It took me a little while to find my way, but I finally I reached the point where I was ready and my body and mind were able to take me there.
I ditched the small projects as they didn't require a full committment from my writing mind. I enjoy short stories, but they have always been more difficult for me than novels. No, novels are my first love and always will be. If I'm going to work on something after a long day of work, baby, and chores, then it has to be something I truly love and am willing to lose sleep over.
Forgotten Star has risen from the ashes (gathered dust) of my filing cabinet for a fourth (and final!) edit. Using resources I've gathered over the years, I've prepped myself for editing and my sleeves are rolled up. I'm going to be posting here with my progress on it, which may not be the most exciting thing but it'll help me track where I've gone off the deep end. (Speaking of which, it IS 3am here).
My first issue came up in the edit prep. My notes are gathered; outlines, character profiles, and manuscript are all cleanly printed and ready for markup; notebook ready for notes, and I found myself stuck on a simple exercise trying to identify my theme. Faith, yes, that's it, but there's more, so much more, but I just couldn't nail it down. I needed help.
I logged onto my favorite writing locale www.fmwriters.com and searched for posts subjected "theme" and came up with oh, about 150 threads. I pulled one at random (yes, it was near the top of the list) that one of our authors started. She tends to start good discussion threads, so I figured it might clue me in to what I was missing. (Not so random anymore, huh?) Well, as I read her question about writing with or without your theme in mind, I noticed something odd at the bottom of the posters list: my name. I posted about Forgotten Star.
"Faith", I wrote, "in yourself, in your deity, in your loved ones. Troubles pile up when any of these three are denied by the main characters, but when they truly believe in themselves, come to believe in their diety, and their families finally trust them and their judgement - things begin to improve. "
Strangely, this theme is an issue I've been facing with my writing. I shied away when it became difficult, falling back on "I'm tired" or "the baby needs me", and while I do need my sleep (she's still only 7 months old), I need my writing as well. Not only has it haunted me with ideas since I stopped writing actively, it's riddled me with guilt. To have this thing that brings me so much joy and deny it, is a waste.
I'm done wasting my gift, my joy. There's room in my life for family, work, and writing. I've regained my faith in myself and the improvements are right before me.